robert hare's list of psychopathy symptoms
by Canadino
Summary: Twenty symptoms of psychopathy. AkaMido


**Disclaimer: The only thing I own is the story idea and only some of the witty remarks. I own so little; so please don't steal.**

Background music: -

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**1. Glib and Superficial Charm**

The most terrifying thing about Akashi, in Midorima's opinion, is that he sees the boy smile and lean in purposefully and agree with others to make them flush and think well of him and - he knows it's all fake; he knows Akashi thinks everyone is trash and sees the faces the boy makes when others turn away, a dark expression of hatred and disgust. The immediate switch he makes whenever others are around is commendable; Midorima doesn't think even the most seasoned veterans can fool others so well, with the way Akashi purrs his praise and lets a honey-sweet smile cross his face. Midorima shudders just thinking of it.

The worst part is that - Midorima _knows_ all of this, knows all of this too well, and yet feels weak in the knees when Akashi slinks over to him and pulls him down by the tie and whispers empty promises in his ear and it's just too terrifying.

**2. Grandiose Self Worth**

Midorima asks about Akashi's habit of washing his hands after school, something he does without fail.

"It's the dirt," Akashi snarls. "The dirt that gets in my hands when I deal with trash. It's everywhere and I can't avoid it. It's a disappointment that I cannot get it out of the air that I breathe but I'm certain my body is superior enough to expel it properly." He makes a face as he dries his hands. "Just thinking about another day with those insolent rats makes me want to vomit."

**3. Need for Simulation/Proneness to Boredom**

"Entertain me," Akashi commands, and Midorima must answer the call. He comes in with arms open of conversation and shogi and chess and complex, complicated literature and Akashi devours them all and is never satisfied. Midorima finally offers himself when Akashi is looking most unpleased and Akashi uses him and at the end, looks disappointed all the same.

**4. Pathological Lying**

A scream pierces the classroom and the rest of students converge. A girl sits at her desk, crying. Her bento is out, uncovered, open and ready to be eaten - Akashi, ever the brave one, ventures forward and picks out a small piece of glass out of her food.

"Why would anyone do that," the girl sobs. "I can't eat it now."

"I'll do my best to figure out the culprit," Akashi promises. "As class president." He turns and Midorima sees the gleam in his eye. He goes out to take the trash and finds broken pieces of a glass jar in the back. He mentions his sighting to Akashi, who goes onto the podium after the last bell has rung to announce that there are no new leads to the bento case.

**5. Conning and Manipulativeness**

But really, the biggest testament to Akashi's power is Midorima's resolute dedication to him, knowing all that he does.

**6. Lack of Remorse or Guilt**

"Yes, I put glass in that girl's bento," Akashi says when Midorima continues pressing the subject. "And you know how there was the problem with tacks in students' shoes? Yes, that was me as well."

"Why would you do that?"

Akashi sniffs, grins, and gloats. "I was _bored_, that's all."

**7. Shallow Affect**

"_Why_?" Midorima asks, presses. "You should know…that would…hurt others, make them upset, angry at you…"

"I don't understand," Akashi says, blankly.

"You…what if someone did that to _you_?"

"That would never happen," Akashi decides. "Because I am absolute. Stop asking me about this, Shintarou. You're bothering me."

**8. Callousness/Lack of Empathy**

Midorima shivers, both with anger and terror at Akashi's apathy toward his actions, but keeps his mouth shut and Akashi gets his shoes and leaves with him as if nothing is wrong.

**9. Parasitic Lifestyle**

Half of what Akashi gets away with is because his father is funding much of the school's finances. The other half is the emotional dependency others have on him, the way they admire him and respect him and want to do what he asks. Midorima is one such victim. He does not want to obey Akashi, keep his silence on his class president's behavior, but Akashi looks at him pleadingly and says, "I won't do it again," and Midorima believes him, stupid as he is, and he knows Akashi is only using him.

**10. Poor Behavioral Controls**

But no one would figure Akashi would be like this, not the calm exterior he shows, but after school, when they are playing shogi and Midorima brings up moments of the day that he does not think too hardly about, they can be a trigger. He does so now, making an offhand comment about the teacher's slip-up on a historical date, and Akashi snaps. Midorima watches, paralyzed, as the boy flings the shogi board off the desk, scattering the pieces.

"The filth they assign to teach us at this place," Akashi yells. "Can't even do their own job. They're surprised when I get full marks. It isn't _hard_, Shintarou, I don't understand why they must subject me to this nonsense. I cannot stand the rest of the class's clear lack of aptitude. I'm tired of this." He stands, trembling, before finally sinking down to the seat again. "I'm sorry, I lost my composure."

"It's not a big deal," Midorima says, keeping his trembling fists under the desk where Akashi can't see them.

"I'm sorry. Let's pick up the pieces and start over again."

**11. Promiscuous Sexual Behavior**

At first, Midorima is very honored to receive Akashi's kisses, and he wears the knowledge like a proud boy scout badge, but then he catches Akashi kissing Kise after basketball practice and it breaks the cheap, brass badge in two.

"I kiss who I want," Akashi says, giving Midorima a disregarding look when he notices MIdorima sulking. "Don't take it personally, and don't be so sensitive, Shintarou, for everyone's sake."

**12. Early Behavioral Problems**

"Don't worry so much," Akashi laughs, flicking the lighter in his hand. "They were going to burn this anyway, so I'm actually doing them a favor."

"Suppose it gets out of control?" Midorima asks, knowing he'll be shot down.

"It won't." Akashi narrows his eyes. "It's in a dumpster. The container will keep it in check. Gasoline, please." Midorima hands him the bottle, willingly. Akashi dumps it all over the school's trash and lights a rag on fire and throws it in.

The flames climb up out of the dumpster, roaring, and Midorima pulls Akashi back in fear the boy will scorch his face off. Akashi only laughs and throws his hands up in wild joy.

**13. Lack of Realistic, Longterm Goals**

"This is nonsensical," Akashi yawns when the teacher asks everyone to write down their dream occupations as a class discussion tactic. He scribbles something random down and disregards everything else. Midorima writes down _doctor_ and makes pains to hide his dedication to this goal from Akashi.

**14. Impulsivity**

"Come with me," Akashi orders, breathlessly, and Midorima looks down on their step and notices Akashi has probably run all the way from his house to Midorima's without shoes. Midorima is about to say something about this, how the bottoms of Akashi's feet will be torn about on the street, but Akashi pulls him out of his house with a laugh and Midorima is left to totter around behind him in house slippers. They run all the way to a nearby creek, where Akashi jumps in with wild abandon. Midorima removes his slippers and rolls up his pants and sloshes in behind him, where Akashi is throwing up water and laughing as he goes.

"It's fun, isn't it?" Akashi asks, extending a wet hand to him.

"Did something happen?"

"No, I just wanted to go outside." Akashi grins and pulls Midorima into the water, still laughing, and splashes away.

**15. Irresponsibility**

Akashi is a very responsible person - in public, at least. When it comes to interpersonal issues, he is awful.

"We had plans today?" he says over the phone after Midorima calls him after waiting two hours at the train station. "I forgot. I'm still in bed, you see."

"That's alright," Midorima grounds out. "Do…you want me to get you anything?"

"That won't be necessary. I'm sorry for standing you up." But he doesn't sound sorry and he doesn't do a thing to hide it.

**16. Failure to Accept Responsibility for One's Actions **

Eventually the glass and tack ordeal comes back around and the blame is put on someone who is at school earlier than others and stays around in the classroom when the other students are out.

"It wasn't me," Akashi insists. "I would never do such a callous thing to my classmates."

Midorima stands by his side and agrees with him and purses his lips when Akashi brings the axe swinging down on Haizaki's head, placing seeds of doubt and averts his eyes when Haizaki comes to him for help.

**17. Many Short Term Relationships**

"We're done," Akashi decides one day.

"We've barely even started," Midorima whispers.

**18. Juvenile Delinquency**

He hasn't had much contact with Akashi since, but he hears Kyoto has been seeing a lot of mysterious dumpster fires lately.

**19. Revocation of Conditional Release**

Akashi sends him a text late one night asking to see him, saying he'll take his car to talk to him and Midorima stays up all night but Akashi never shows up.

**20. Criminal Versatility**

Midorima reads on the news online of stories, very quickly redacted or those with wide ranges of legitimacy, of the Akashi family being held against accounts of fraud and money laundering after Akashi rises to power within his family's empire. They're always explained to some underling's carelessness or some low authority figure being too big for his boots. It's never Akashi's fault. Of course not - it never is.

It doesn't concern Midorima, really it doesn't.

In fact, the only crime Midorima really finds Akashi at fault for is stealing his heart and committing ruthless homicide with it.

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Note: Written for the OTP challenge on tumblr.


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